Welcome everyone to Wizzos Thoughts on Haunts. I'm Wizzo, your imaginary friend, and these are strictly my thoughts and experiences. This is not a review and there is absolutely no ranking system.
This week I traveled to Hellscream Haunted House in Colorado Springs Colorado. Before I begin this review I would like to say I have a deep connection to this haunt as it was my home haunt for five years. With that being said, I wanted the experience to be fresh. I wanted to be a "new" customer so I forgot everything I knew about the place.
"How do I pretend to be a new customer?" Asked Wizzo.
A website is a good way to see what a haunt is all about, so I went to it. Navigation of the site was easy. Everything was very clear to find. They have a season calendar that has all the availability and pricing information. Hellscream even tells you a little backstory behind the house.
"Tell them about it!"
The house story follows a mad Doctor hell bent on creating life. He and his driver killed his wife one night and ever since, he's been bent on bringing her back. As he tried to create life, he instead created a house full of experiments. After reading the short story and deciding on a day, I headed out to visit my old haunt.
I arrived at the parking lot for Hellscream just before opening. I knew where to park so it wasn't an issue, but to a fresh to the area customer, it's a bit tricky to find. I got my ticket and was ready to go.
"We were ready to go!" Echoed Wizzo excitedly.
As I walked towards the three story building and around to get in line, I was greeted by a few monsters. Each monster moved through the line interacting with customers in their own creepy way. The cue line also plays some Hellscream promo videos and Simpsons cartoons. I liked it as it kept my attention when monsters weren't around, but I was confused as to why Simpsons.
I approached the front door and waited to be let in. The door opened and I entered a long dark hallway. The door quickly shut behind me and the experience immediately began. A loud screech from behind got me to move into the front room. As I navigated through the mad doctor's house, the creatures and creations came at me. One creature thought I smelled like their grandma.
"GRANDMA!?"
Every so often, a familiar face or two from the cue line would pop in a room to remind me they were watching. I made my way into a nice ballroom filled with dancing and murderous mannequins making the actors near invisible. I was greeted by a dapper dead fellow who had me dancing through the whole room.
"We got to boogy woogy!"
After a quick dance, I descended into the basement. After a few twists and turns through an old wine cellar, I ended up in the bar with some crazy dead drunk folks.
"They smelled like cinnamon."
After leaving the wine bar, I walked through some catacombs and into an old jail cell area. The patients in the cells were very attention grabbing.
"YEAH, ONE ATE THEIR OWN POOP!" Wizzo exclaimed. "AND THEN FARTED!"
A three flight walk upstairs to the top floor got me a bit winded but I was ready for more! Once upstairs, I walked through some guest rooms and into the doctors master bedroom. A giant doll ran from wall as a patient fell into the bed. What even was happening? I scuttled through the closet and into a secret lab. A few rooms later I ended up meeting the psycho doctor in the operation theater.
"Did the doctor really have to cut open that person?"
As I left the theater I made my way through the attic as a living mannequin popped in and out.
Once again I went down a set of stairs and outside into an overgrown carriage house and was met by the snake oil salesman.
"He offered an imaginary friend vitality potion!" Laughed Wizzo.
The salesman guided me into a windy cave system. What was to come?
"A FREAKING CHAINSAW!" Yelled Wizzo.
Like any classic haunt, it ended with the chainsaw.
"TWO OF THEM!"
All in all I enjoyed myself. There were some empty spots but overall the actors that were there filled in nicely.